I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
