At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
