I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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