Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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