we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
