pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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