I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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