I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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