think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
