ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
