i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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