dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
