I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
