apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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