He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
