conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
