He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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