I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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