Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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