Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
