Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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