I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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