i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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