stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
