It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
