Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Edward fifth and chaser hands
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
