I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
