I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
