I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
