dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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