Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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