how can u be prego again
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
