if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
