tell your sister to shave her snatch
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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