If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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