I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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