She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She needs sedatives and a leash
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
