I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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