Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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