Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
