remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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