Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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