I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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