It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
