First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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