I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
