If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Thank you for not boning my boss.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
