The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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