so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
