im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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