I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Drunk is not a location!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
