he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
