Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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