my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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