I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
