oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
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Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea