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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face

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• (305): View more from Florida

  just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  My lips are sealed. Both pairs.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.

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• (619): View more from California

  Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (561): View more from Florida

  So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  "I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..

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• (305): View more from Florida

  We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  .....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants

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