Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
