Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
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I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
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I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..