Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
