I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
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You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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