Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
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Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize