he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
