Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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