Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
