Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
