So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
