hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
