What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
