where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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