The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
