just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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