when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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