____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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