next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
