It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm so fucking centered right now
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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