I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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