How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
