Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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