I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
