I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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