if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
this will be a night to untag.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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