You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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