Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
