At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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