Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
