All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
