Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
